you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
PANTIES FOUND
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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