I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
