took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
