Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
