I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
