I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
