Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
