Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
