Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
