The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
