So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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