She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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