You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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