Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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