I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
