Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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