she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
