That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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