my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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