It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
