she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize