I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
