Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
