Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
