he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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