look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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