remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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