I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
