and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did i just pee glitter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
