I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
