Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
