drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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