i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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