I'm pants shitting drunk right now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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