I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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