He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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