I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
