Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
zippers are such a cool invention
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
