i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
