omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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