Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
