You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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