I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
