i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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