the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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