please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
