Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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