Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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