dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
how drunk are you?
Several
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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