I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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