I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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