Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
