I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
