I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
