That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know, be my cock's hype man.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
