OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
