You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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