My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
