No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
