my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
