I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
dude. I can hear the air.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
