question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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