If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
