I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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