I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
