If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
