Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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