he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
