Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
