He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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