Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
