never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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